竹炉山房

以前写的，现在看着还是觉得好笑。

Beijing - 29/8/2008

From my Chinese friend, rumour says that LOC (London Olympic Committee) Officials have announced that because of the significance and outstanding of 2008 Beijing Olympic Opening and Closing, London is considering giving up the next Olympic Opening, to save next Olympic's tight budget. After urgent internal meeting, IOC (International Olympic Committee) president announces that, the next Opening will still be in Beijing! The news immediately knocks down all Beijing local officers, martial police soldiers, volunteers and city councilors. To make it worse there is no paramedical service because all doctors and nurses in Beijing faint as well. Angry Beijing police staffs are preparing to raise a million-people demonstration to protest IOC's silly decision. One policeman bursts into tears in front of Bird's Nest (site of Opening Ceremony) and says, "I've been working extremely hard in the last seven years since the announcement of Beijing's success in 2001, and now I am expected to overwork another four years? That will definitely lead to my tomorrow's suicide..."

又一则：

China Sichuan earthquake humor

1. "On 12 May before the earthquake, my auntie was playing mah-jong with three other old ladies. Then suddenly she found that the table was shaking. She cried, 'No play! Run!' Another lady calmly said, 'No panic. Play another round!'"
2. "When the earthquake hit us, one guy lived downstairs lifted a 29 inch TV with hands and quickly ran out!!"
3. "Four old women were playing mah-jong, suddenly the table began to shake. They quickly ran out, found some hardboard, then came back and inserted under the legs, then continued to play!!!"
4. "A doctor was preparing an injection for a middle-aged man. Then he felt the bed was shaking. He said, 'Hello, big guy? Don't be afraid of a small injection!'"
5. "I was at the construction site. I found my computer was shaking. I shouted, 'Fuck it, tell the driver of road roller do not drive so quickly!' Nobody listened to me. Then I ran out with angry but found out that it was an earthquake..."
6. "Students of Sichuan university (500km away) were having classes. When the earthquake stroke, students began to run out. The old professor said, 'Don't panic, sit down! I have to count the rate of attendance first!'"
7. "I was having telephone conversation with my friend. Then I felt the ground was shaking. I calmly told him, "An earthquake!" He said calmly, 'Gua-le (Then Hang up)!' In Chinese Gua-le also means 'BE DEAD'!"
8. "A friend told me that when earthquake hit the area his dog was still sleeping, not like neighbor's dogs who were barking. After the earthquake he kicked the useless dog out!"
9. "When earthquake, our Japanese teacher who was used to the earthquakes in Japan calmly told us to hide under the tables, then after 5 mins shaking he continued to teach Japanese! Our school head who had assembled all teachers and students on the safer playground counted the numbers, then said, 'Shit, where is the Japanese class!' At last he found that we were still in the classroom..."
10. "The television broadcastered an old man who was being rescued by Russian team from the ruins. When he was out he looked around and said to people, 'This earthquake is so bloody powerful! I am in Russia now!!!!'"
11. "I've never been to an earthquake. That day I was walking in the streets toward the Telecom shop to pay my telephone bill, suddenly I saw a group of people ran out from the Telecom shop, I thought, 'Shit! A robbery!'"
12. "My friend was in the toilet room. She suddenly felt her feet were shaking, she thought, 'I am not good. No wonder why my feet are shaking! I need more gyms!'"
13. "An old engineer in my company, ran from 13th floor to 11th floor, then said, 'Damn, the computer was on!' He returned and turned it off! The next day he was praised by our boss, but was told, 'Thank you, but please don't do that again!'"
14. "My friend's old dad lived in 6th floor. He was standing near the window when the earthquake took place. He looked as if he was enjoying for a moment then said to his wife, 'Darling, come here quickly! The big water tower was shaking like a hula-ring!' His wife at that time was groveling and was too afraid to either speak or stand on the floor..."
15. "I was testing a new car for my friend. We turned on the air conditioner then felt the car was shaking heavily. My friend said, 'OMG, this car is a piece of shit! Just turning on air conditioner can make it shake! I need to talk with the sales manager and refund immediately!'"