无语。 很感动 via 自留地

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我们人类爱看热闹的特性从几千万年前就开始了 看热闹的鸟儿

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家猪，说你呢！！ 摄影穷三代

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今天在下面的博看到一堆笑话图片，正乐呢，忽然看到楼上这张俺真是涕泪滂沱啊，毕业7年多学校食堂又出名了一次！（上一次是03年1万多学生罢餐）

引用

贴一些好玩的图片

我承认最近原创内容少，嘿嘿～～ 明天 一天都出差，随便贴点图看看~~
看得懂的请留言，嘿嘿～～

嘿嘿～看得懂么？

真实版狮子王！！！

擦！

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2B!

女人都喜欢液化功能～

这张笑死我了～～

来个应景的～～

结束～

就在今晚喝高了就把某五星酒店的N给扒了：） –From my Nokia N97 mobile. 酒店

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竟然能把“D.C. Sniper”翻译成“直流狙击手”，终于忍不住来冒个泡把10年来的处女留言留给此强帖。

在eMule上的评分也是历史新低：1.2/10，最主要要去看底下的影评，可乐~

http://www.verycd.com/topics/2807777/comments/page1

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2015/3/7

此页已被移除。

以前写的，现在看着还是觉得好笑。

Beijing – 29/8/2008

From my Chinese friend, rumour says that LOC (London Olympic Committee) Officials have announced that because of the significance and outstanding of 2008 Beijing Olympic Opening and Closing, London is considering giving up the next Olympic Opening, to save next Olympic’s tight budget. After urgent internal meeting, IOC (International Olympic Committee) president announces that, the next Opening will still be in Beijing! The news immediately knocks down all Beijing local officers, martial police soldiers, volunteers and city councilors. To make it worse there is no paramedical service because all doctors and nurses in Beijing faint as well. Angry Beijing police staffs are preparing to raise a million-people demonstration to protest IOC’s silly decision. One policeman bursts into tears in front of Bird’s Nest (site of Opening Ceremony) and says, “I’ve been working extremely hard in the last seven years since the announcement of Beijing’s success in 2001, and now I am expected to overwork another four years? That will definitely lead to my tomorrow’s suicide…”

又一则：

China Sichuan earthquake humor

1. “On 12 May before the earthquake, my auntie was playing mah-jong with three other old ladies. Then suddenly she found that the table was shaking. She cried, ‘No play! Run!’ Another lady calmly said, ‘No panic. Play another round!'”
2. “When the earthquake hit us, one guy lived downstairs lifted a 29 inch TV with hands and quickly ran out!!”
3. “Four old women were playing mah-jong, suddenly the table began to shake. They quickly ran out, found some hardboard, then came back and inserted under the legs, then continued to play!!!”
4. “A doctor was preparing an injection for a middle-aged man. Then he felt the bed was shaking. He said, ‘Hello, big guy? Don’t be afraid of a small injection!'”
5. “I was at the construction site. I found my computer was shaking. I shouted, ‘Fuck it, tell the driver of road roller do not drive so quickly!’ Nobody listened to me. Then I ran out with angry but found out that it was an earthquake…”
6. “Students of Sichuan university (500km away) were having classes. When the earthquake stroke, students began to run out. The old professor said, ‘Don’t panic, sit down! I have to count the rate of attendance first!'”
7. “I was having telephone conversation with my friend. Then I felt the ground was shaking. I calmly told him, “An earthquake!” He said calmly, ‘Gua-le (Then Hang up)!’ In Chinese Gua-le also means ‘BE DEAD’!”
8. “A friend told me that when earthquake hit the area his dog was still sleeping, not like neighbor’s dogs who were barking. After the earthquake he kicked the useless dog out!”
9. “When earthquake, our Japanese teacher who was used to the earthquakes in Japan calmly told us to hide under the tables, then after 5 mins shaking he continued to teach Japanese! Our school head who had assembled all teachers and students on the safer playground counted the numbers, then said, ‘Shit, where is the Japanese class!’ At last he found that we were still in the classroom…”
10. “The television broadcastered an old man who was being rescued by Russian team from the ruins. When he was out he looked around and said to people, ‘This earthquake is so bloody powerful! I am in Russia now!!!!'”
11. “I’ve never been to an earthquake. That day I was walking in the streets toward the Telecom shop to pay my telephone bill, suddenly I saw a group of people ran out from the Telecom shop, I thought, ‘Shit! A robbery!'”
12. “My friend was in the toilet room. She suddenly felt her feet were shaking, she thought, ‘I am not good. No wonder why my feet are shaking! I need more gyms!'”
13. “An old engineer in my company, ran from 13th floor to 11th floor, then said, ‘Damn, the computer was on!’ He returned and turned it off! The next day he was praised by our boss, but was told, ‘Thank you, but please don’t do that again!'”
14. “My friend’s old dad lived in 6th floor. He was standing near the window when the earthquake took place. He looked as if he was enjoying for a moment then said to his wife, ‘Darling, come here quickly! The big water tower was shaking like a hula-ring!’ His wife at that time was groveling and was too afraid to either speak or stand on the floor…”
15. “I was testing a new car for my friend. We turned on the air conditioner then felt the car was shaking heavily. My friend said, ‘OMG, this car is a piece of shit! Just turning on air conditioner can make it shake! I need to talk with the sales manager and refund immediately!'”

状态帝 : 春哥之后的又一防挂科神作——挂柯南，挂科难。如果你有科比的海报，就别挂柯南，否则“不挂科比挂柯南”；单独使用科比海报亦可，因为“挂科比不挂柯南”！

状态帝 : 据说《阿凡达》在日本被译为《阿凡雅灭达》；在韩国被译为《阿凡斯密达》；据说在意大利《阿凡达芬奇》；在俄罗斯被译为《阿凡达夫斯基》；在香港被译为《阿凡达明一派》；在印度被译为《阿三凡达》

状态帝 : 我用一麻袋的钱上大学，换了一麻袋书；毕业了，用这些书换钱，却买不起一个麻袋！

状态帝 : 宅男费纸，宅女费电！

状态帝 : 《阿凡达》告诉我们：谁胯下的鸟大就听谁的。

状态帝 : 昨日，李宇春在湖南长沙发布记者会，会上首次正面回应了网络上广为流传的“信春哥，得永生”等热门词句。李宇春说：“你们信我也好，不信我也好，你们总归都要死的。”在场的许多记者都流下了感动的眼泪！

状态帝 : 同学家吃的晚饭，回家发了短信和他说“你妈的红烧肉棒极了”。结果今天手机不能发短信了。

状态帝 : 上海自来水来自海上，日照老年人年老照日，大波美人鱼人美波大，明天到操场操到天明，哥曾信佛但佛信曾哥，人过大佛寺佛大过人!

状态帝 : 考试是指行为人以强迫他人读书为目的，以书面形式摧残他人身心的行为。有以下三种情形之一的，法定刑加重：1、考试致人挂科、重修或以挂科、重修相威胁的；2、考试难度过高致人身心受损的；3、考前不划重点、不划范围、不给方向的

状态帝 : 整个学期全荒废，临近考试全心碎，一周时间全没睡，考试之前全在背，走进考场全崩溃，拿到卷子全流泪，背的东西全不考，考的东西全不会T_T

状态帝 : 丰胸的四种结果：1、大不一样 2、不大一样 3、一样不大 4、不一样大

状态帝 : 百度被黑的真相：因为伊朗兄弟上百度买火箭筒，结果被竞价排名的假货给骗了。

状态帝 : 婚期将到，国内兄弟，有钱公寓，没钱蜗居，望长城内外，大厦高楼，工地上下，人浪滔滔，早起晚睡，达旦通宵，丈母娘说：买个房子才达标。须钞票，看人山人海，一房难搞。 楼价如此虚高，引无数英雄竞折腰，昔秦皇汉武，见此摇头，唐宗宋祖，更是没招，一代天骄，成吉思汗，只好住在蒙古包！

还是很有点好玩的东西的。试举如下：

vista看天下:某国际学校的老师出了一道开放性问题：你对其他国家的食物短缺有什么自己的看法？非洲学生问：什么叫食物？欧洲学生问：什么叫短缺？美国学生问：什么叫其他国家？中国学生问：什么叫自己的看法？

闾丘露薇://@刘苏里:照例转发，
不要让青少年有判断力。只要给他们汽车摩托车明星、刺激的音乐、流行的服饰，以及竞争意识就行了。剥夺青少年的思考力，根植他们服从指导者命令的服从心。让他们对批判国家、社会和领袖抱着一种憎恶。让他们深信那是少数派和异端者的罪恶。让他们认为想法和大家不同的就是公敌。——阿道夫·希特勒

闾丘露薇:RT@try2feel 新闻联播里我国赴海底救援人员在地震废墟中，用中文大声呼喊“有人吗？”全力搜寻幸存者。

河蟹愚乐:最新消息，上海10086因为发送宣传短信“一次性交纳五百元送话费”，被移动自己给封了。——天涯网友

新周刊:城市考古问历史要荣誉！——河南安阳抢到了曹操墓，四川彭山正在抢刘备墓，四川甘孜正在抢成吉思汗墓。2005年4月,面对声称要面向未来的重庆年轻人,重庆市文化局王川平副局长说:“其实我们考古界承受的压力非常大。领导问我们:‘你们什么时候也挖一个三星堆出来啊?’

安玉刚:被雷倒了：“胡玫说：《阿凡达》强制下线，我没有听到院线接到确切的消息！我觉得是《阿凡达》自己在炒作。这片子我也看了，除了特技外没有任何印象，就记得那些小精灵在我面前飞来飞去，没有回味的地方。《孔子》不同，值得看3遍、4遍，我自己每看一遍都会有不同的感觉，都会哭。”—方夷敏开心网曰

和菜头:韩寒同学在办杂志受挫之后，频繁使用博客发泄自己的满心兽欲。上海的文化监管部门这是何苦呢？你就让他办一份杂志好了，现在也不会每天那么尴尬，眼睁睁看他弄得烽烟四起，天下大乱。

新周刊:据说，想在城市生活更美好，你一定要认识这些人：妇产科医生、儿科医生、中医、省重点中小学校长、大学系主任、车管所交警、派出所长、律师、领导秘书、会计、保险理赔员、黑道人物、监狱长、发型师、的士司机、A货和A片店主、家电修理工、高厨各一枚，另需处长N枚，记者N枚，股评家N枚，房产中介N枚…

后宫优雅:家族投资的棒Ball队，正在洽谈引进球员的事情，棒Ball，是我最喜欢的运动，那种挥动Ball（老虎：-_-||）棒的感觉，真的好Nice。我非常喜欢姚明哥哥，希望这次能签下他做我们的捕手。感觉去了那么多的地方，还是觉得纽约最漂亮，站在海洋绿洲号上，喝着Martini，听着费哥哥的那首《冬天里的One把火》,幸福不过如此吧……

张发财:我举报一个又色情，又低俗，又反华的艺人名字——黄日华。请组织部敏感词他！

闾丘露薇:校内网的创作：世界用Google，我们用百度；世界用youtube，我们用优酷；世界用牛奶，我们用三鹿；世界用游戏机，我们用劲舞；世界用facebook，我们用开心；世界用MSN，我们用QQ；世界用 WCDMA，我们用TD；世界用FTTH，我们用adsl；世界用internet，我们用LAN

快笑死了，实在忍不住不发出来。

申通有个快递姓胡，天天下午四点定时泡在我们办公室等着我们给货发，因为签名的时候经常写“申通胡”，被戏称“申通糊”。申通糊大部分时候是很认真负责的，但偶尔也有马失前蹄。以下为申通糊与美女同事之间某日的对话：

女同事：怎么回事啦，把发往北京的货发到了广州？？

申通糊：对不起……

女同事：对不起就行啦，你们的服务态度&%￥#￥#（以下省略数千字）那你说，不是态度问题到底是什么原因才会把发往北京的货发到了广州？？？

申通糊：今早大雾……

（办公室集体绝倒）